Replacing
Ceiling Lights
Replacing
fluorescent bulbs, sometimes referred to as Mercury Vapour tubes, requires
three hands in the best of circumstances, but when the ceiling is a whopping
ten feet from the floor, the situation calls for some extra consideration. A regular six foot ladder will allow you to
reach a ten foot ceiling without standing on the very top, but fails to provide
any frontal body support needed by the acrophobic. One must remember that a six foot ladder is
six feet long when it is lying down.
When it is set up and the legs spread out, the top is much closer to the
floor. If you have slightly less than a
normal stature, you would have to stand on the very top. An acrophobic needs to feel the ladder
pressing against his knees or better yet, his/her hips to feel some degree of
ease, so this methodology is very unsatisfactory. Standing on the second to top step will still
allow access to the ceiling but again does not meet the requirements of the genuine
acrophobic. There are some idiots who,
lacking any regard for their family’s future financial interests or their
physical well being, will actually do both of the above, but, believe it or
not, it is not recommended by the manufacturer of any ladder with which I am
familiar.
I
once saw a man putting plaster in the cracks and hammer dents left in a new
wall after the drywallers have finished their job. And yes, it was also a ten foot ceiling. This fellow literally ran around the entire
building on stilts slinging plaster and tape on every crevasse as he passed
by. Officially, he was referred to as a
“mudder.” I once thought that perhaps
this would be a great way to change a light bulb but alas, getting on to the
stilts requires something akin to a ladder or other high device. This therefore, defeats any advantage that
the stilts may provide. Besides, what
happens if or when you fall over while walking around on them. At least with a ladder the legs usually stay
put, offering some semblance of security.
Another
possibility that I have considered is scaffolding. First, one sets up the metal framework that
holds the planks. Then, the large boards
are laid out on the frame. This is
supposed to provide a secure footing from which to work. What I have noticed however, is that there is
some give in the two by tens or twelves that most builders use on these
contraptions. So, although they may be
safe by some standards, they do not provide me with the degree that I find
comfortable. Actually, I recently heard
of a young man who was killed when he fell while working on a scaffold. That is certainly not comforting. Another drawback with the scaffold is the
fact that it is pretty darn heavy and it takes a lot of time to put the thing
up. Then, you also have to have a place
to store it. I suppose that it could be
just left in place and everything else set up around it, but it does take up a
lot of room and is not generally esthetically pleasing.
No,
the best scenario to follow in this predicament is to get a much larger ladder,
assuming that you cannot find someone else to do the job for you. Most ladders sold for household use are six
footers. This of course, takes us back
where we started. The ticket here, is an
eight foot ladder. This of course would
provide adequate height from the floor, while allowing one to experience that
knee feeling I mentioned earlier. The
ceiling would be two feet from the top, meaning that two thirds of one’s body
would be pressed against the ladder.
This
is but phase one for the acrophobic. The
ladder is now two feet higher than it was before so one has to get used to the
thinner air customarily present at higher altitudes. It also takes several minutes for the heart
to stop thumping as one ascends each step above the third. Even then, one is constantly checking to make
sure that the ladder’s rivets, screws or bolts are in place. I also recommend a belt of some sort to
attach to the ceiling where it can be anchored and attached to the user, so
that just in case the ladder slips and falls over, the acrophobe will be left
dangling in space. Oh crap, that’s not a
good idea at all. Forget that one.
When
all is said and done, the best way to deal with the situation was offered
earlier. Just get out the phone book,
call an electrician and pay the ridiculous price he will ask for climbing that
ladder for you. You can't fall if your
feet are securely on the floor. Just
watch out that the electrician doesn’t fall on you.
-
Louis Roquain
